Just Say No

[danalwyn]

If I should commit suicide or die of strange causes in the next few weeks, I would like my financial wealth donated to the International Fight Against Literacy. I want big men in black suits standing in front of my portrait, telling little impressionable schoolchildren that, "If only he had never learned to read, he wouldn't have read those books, and his brain never would have exploded."

This goes along perfectly with my theory that my subconscious is trying to kill me. It's decided that maneuvering me into suicidal depression is too much work, so it's been busy changing my literary preferences. First I got interested in, and started reading about, post-colonial Africa; and if that isn't depressing enough to make you despair of humanity, you probably don't have a heart and should check with your local doctor. Then I started reading about Japanese education, which is a catastrophe waiting to happen, and in some cases it's not waiting patiently. Then I started to read about the Spanish Civil War, which is where you realize that deep down most people are evil bastards who belong in concentration camps. Finally I tried reading about all three at the same time, which is guaranteed to not only give you brain cramps and burn your remaining faith in humanity, but also to inspire homicidal rage in most readers.

And then, in a final act of despair, I attempted for the second time, to read the European Union Constitution.

Now I'm not only depressed and crazed, I'm completely psychotic as well. At this point in time I'm perfectly willing to launch a nuclear first strike at half the countries in Europe if it will make that GodAwful document somewhat more readable. Or at least remove the fifty three billion useless statements embedded inside of it (believe you me, I will rant on that subject later). God damn that thing make me crazy!

So now I'm depressed, enraged, confused, upset, betrayed, vengeful and psychotic all at the same time. And I have developed unwarranted anger against Spain and Japan. Arrgh! Hopefully I'll make it out of work today without discussing politics.

Let this be a lesson kids. Literacy. Don't let it happen to you.

Comments

[nightdog-barks.livejournal.com]

Could you take the polar regions too, while you're at it?

Those penguins are really starting to get on my nerves ...

;-)

[danalwyn.livejournal.com]

They're closer to the northern polar regions, and I like polar bears, so maybe they shouldn't take those with them.

[nightdog-barks.livejournal.com]

Polar bears are good.
I am suddenly reminded of the Randy Newman song Political Science.

http://www.lyricsdepot.com/randy_newman/political-science.html

[avari-elf.livejournal.com]

Those penguins are really starting to get on my nerves ...

Hey! I resent that!

[nightdog-barks.livejournal.com]

*smirks*

[danalwyn.livejournal.com]

Uh-oh. She's going to bring in the feared Penguin brigade to crush us! Run!