Just Say No

[danalwyn]

If I should commit suicide or die of strange causes in the next few weeks, I would like my financial wealth donated to the International Fight Against Literacy. I want big men in black suits standing in front of my portrait, telling little impressionable schoolchildren that, "If only he had never learned to read, he wouldn't have read those books, and his brain never would have exploded."

This goes along perfectly with my theory that my subconscious is trying to kill me. It's decided that maneuvering me into suicidal depression is too much work, so it's been busy changing my literary preferences. First I got interested in, and started reading about, post-colonial Africa; and if that isn't depressing enough to make you despair of humanity, you probably don't have a heart and should check with your local doctor. Then I started reading about Japanese education, which is a catastrophe waiting to happen, and in some cases it's not waiting patiently. Then I started to read about the Spanish Civil War, which is where you realize that deep down most people are evil bastards who belong in concentration camps. Finally I tried reading about all three at the same time, which is guaranteed to not only give you brain cramps and burn your remaining faith in humanity, but also to inspire homicidal rage in most readers.

And then, in a final act of despair, I attempted for the second time, to read the European Union Constitution.

Now I'm not only depressed and crazed, I'm completely psychotic as well. At this point in time I'm perfectly willing to launch a nuclear first strike at half the countries in Europe if it will make that GodAwful document somewhat more readable. Or at least remove the fifty three billion useless statements embedded inside of it (believe you me, I will rant on that subject later). God damn that thing make me crazy!

So now I'm depressed, enraged, confused, upset, betrayed, vengeful and psychotic all at the same time. And I have developed unwarranted anger against Spain and Japan. Arrgh! Hopefully I'll make it out of work today without discussing politics.

Let this be a lesson kids. Literacy. Don't let it happen to you.

Comments

[crazyitperson.livejournal.com]

Give up literacy? But I need that to read Stephen King novels!

[danalwyn.livejournal.com]

I can already tell you: Bad Things are going to happen.

What more did you need to know?

[crazyitperson.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I knowww, man, but without that literacy add-on I won't know HOW the bad things happen! I don't just want blood and girls and things happening, I wanna know HOW and WHY they happen! If I just wanted random things to happen that were painful and sexy, I would go to a wrestling maaaatch!

This would sound funnier if Ray Romano said it, but the humor content varies.

[crazyitperson.livejournal.com]

Oh, wait, hold on a sec. I get my random violence quotient with Grand Theft Auto.

But I STILL like my literacy! If I start going crazy through a combination of James Patterson and Clive Cussler novels, I'll quit! Just like that!

[danalwyn.livejournal.com]

Me too. I can give it up any time I want. Really.

[anti-nation.livejournal.com]

And then, in a final act of despair, I attempted for the second time, to read the European Union Constitution.

Good God, man, why would you do that?! Why? It's too late to save us Europeans, but save yourself at least!

[danalwyn.livejournal.com]

Apparently I had a major brain dysfunction just before I picked my reading material.

Don't worry. We can still save Europe. We can have the bombers in the air in twenty minutes. But short of that, I don't see much of a chance.

[anti-nation.livejournal.com]

But short of that, I don't see much of a chance.

Oh, I do. It involves the French, this weekend, and 'Non.'

What with that, Iran, and the UK rebate, this continent's going to implode. We'll try and take Africa with us, that'll be two problems out the way.

[nightdog-barks.livejournal.com]

Could you take the polar regions too, while you're at it?

Those penguins are really starting to get on my nerves ...

;-)

[danalwyn.livejournal.com]

They're closer to the northern polar regions, and I like polar bears, so maybe they shouldn't take those with them.

[nightdog-barks.livejournal.com]

Polar bears are good.
I am suddenly reminded of the Randy Newman song Political Science.

http://www.lyricsdepot.com/randy_newman/political-science.html

[avari-elf.livejournal.com]

Those penguins are really starting to get on my nerves ...

Hey! I resent that!

[nightdog-barks.livejournal.com]

*smirks*

[danalwyn.livejournal.com]

Uh-oh. She's going to bring in the feared Penguin brigade to crush us! Run!

[danalwyn.livejournal.com]

Africa makes Europe look like Happy-Functional-Fun-Land.

The modern definition of Africa getting better is it gets less media attention. It's sort of like "You know, you're still being killed, but the people who killed you aren't important enough to warrant press coverage, so you know things are getting better." Africa needs a 90-century warranty and a reset button.

[stardust-rain.livejournal.com]

We Europeans are going to be frozen in the next few decades anyway.

Why torture yourself?!

And what is Japanese eduation like? I have sanity to spare.

[danalwyn.livejournal.com]

My complaint about Japanese education is that it is specifically tailored to fit their country's economy. It's purpose is to produce two types of people:

a) Business workers, the wage-slaves of modern capitalism.
b) Housewives, who know how to keep their mouth shut.

Most of it is education by rote memorization and shows what people report as a distinct lack of empathy on behalf of the teachers. This has changed in recent years, but apparently there is still a large movement toward complete conformism.

I'll rant on this more later, but I should be taken with a grain of salt. I am rating this from a western perspective after all, but I find any system in which a teacher can inflict injuries that take 39 days to heal, and then not be investigated by the local school officials, to be needlessly harsh.

Not to mention that they actually spend too much time in school.

[avari-elf.livejournal.com]

Now I'm not only depressed and crazed, I'm completely psychotic as well. At this point in time I'm perfectly willing to launch a nuclear first strike at half the countries in Europe if it will make that GodAwful document somewhat more readable.

Would you be willin to wait until after the weekend? It seems the French are going to be voting NON, much to the wailing/bitching/whining of the government and all the main political parties. Ha!

Or at least remove the fifty three billion useless statements embedded inside of it (believe you me, I will rant on that subject later). God damn that thing make me crazy!

I'd love to talk about the Constitution with you, Antination and others. In fact, I need to talk about it before I go and vote this weekend, and get some non-French points of view.
Maybe I should try and launch the subject in GA News? It will be a welcome change from "Aliens stole my baby and put his fingers in a hamburger".

[nightdog-barks.livejournal.com]

Maybe I should try and launch the subject in GA News?

An excellent idea ... I found the "British elections" thread very interesting, and I think this would attract similar discussion.

[anti-nation.livejournal.com]

I second that motion especially as in a fit of boredom, I've downloaded the entire document, and am about to begin reading the thing, as opposed to the abridged BBC version which can be found here: http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/europe/2950276.stm

*shakes fist angrily*

Curse you, danalwyn, this is all your fault!

[anti-nation.livejournal.com]

And of course, this:

I second that motion especially as in a fit of boredom...

Should read:

"I second that motion, especially as in a fit of boredom..."

Haven't even started and my brain's already making a bolt for freedom.

[danalwyn.livejournal.com]

Your brain is very wise.

My big complaint about the EU Constitution is the following:

The US Constitution, which has been a mostly successful document for the past two hundred something years (longer than any democracy in Europe except for basically Iceland), has 4,609 words when I measured it.

The Table of Contents for the EU Constitution has over 2,200 words.

That's not a Constitution. That's a novel. But what can you expect when the lawyers who wrote it get paid by the hour?

[anti-nation.livejournal.com]

Edited!

That's not a Constitution. That's a novel. But what can you expect when the lawyers who wrote it get paid by the hour?

Well, when it includes useless paragraphs like the following:

"Finally, it should be noted that the Intergovernmental Conference agreed on continuous numbering of the text of the Constitution using arabic numerals, with the proviso that, in order to accentuate the division of the Constitution into four parts, the arabic numerals will be accompanied in each case by a Roman numeral corresponding to the relevant part. The Council's Legal/Linguistic Experts will carry out the renumbering exercise and check the accuracy of all cross-references between articles and paragraphs."

...What do you expect?

I guess it must take a pretty long time to write "This is what we originally wanted to do, but then the Europhiles said there wasn't enough integration, and the Eurosceptics said there was too much integration, and then we all just had a tea break and did sod all."

I actually haven't started reading it yet. I'm building myself up by surfing around on BBC News. There are some interesting figures linked to the ignorance of most citizens concerning the constitution novel, something to do with the size of it, no doubt.

[nightdog-barks.livejournal.com]

Heh.
I love this line in The Guardian on the mechanics of member states leaving the EU:

This clause is presumably designed never to be used.

*snerk*
You bet.

[danalwyn.livejournal.com]

But why would anyone ever want to leave dear old Europe?

Heh.

[danalwyn.livejournal.com]

You think that's bad, you should read the final section:

(c) this Treaty shall apply to the Channel Islands and the Isle of Man only to the extent necessary to ensure the implementation of the arrangements for those islands originally set out in the Treaty referred to in Article IV-437(2)(a), and which have been incorporated in Section 3 of Title II of the Protocol on the Treaties and Acts of Accession of the Kingdom of Denmark, Ireland and the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland, of the Hellenic Republic, of the Kingdom of Spain and the Portuguese Republic, and of the Republic of Austria, the Republic of Finland and the Kingdom of Sweden.

There are several pages of this garbage. It is my opinion that a governing document should be solely self-referential. In that regard, what the hell did they think they were doing?