Halloween Recap
Nov. 1st, 2006 10:16 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
danalwynSo Halloween, traditionally the busiest night of the year for those of us in the business, is finally over. Not many disasters this year, which was fortunate, but still enough trouble to keep us busy to all hours of the night. Since someone has to, I'll now give the recap:
The Big Kahuna Award: This year's Big Kahuna went to an as yet unidentified person who managed to, at the stroke of midnight, open a Gate to the Third Circle of Hell in their Manhattan apartment complex. The Gate's primary was locked down within thirty seconds; however there were serious leakages, and several emergences in the intervening period. Three assassination teams and five strike teams were brought in from the Brooklyn Sanctuary, and the area was declared Publicly Safe within thirty minutes of the original breach. Nevertheless, teams operating in the New York area are urged to be on their guard as there could be as many as two leakers unaccounted for, both of which may be lying low in the Manhattan area. Sightings of rogue demons on station are to be reported immediately to Tactical East. Forensics promises to have a name for the winner of the prize as soon as they sort out the remains of the initial breach.
The Fertility Ritual Award: Teenage hormones resulted in this year's sexual disaster award going to Jim of Oregon, who, despite copious warnings pasted in his instruction book about not performing any delicate magic on a wild night like Halloween, attempted to use the night's latent power to enhance the length of his schlong. Experts assure us that it is much longer, but they are still unsure precisely which parallel reality it is sticking out in. The recovery team is hopeful that they will be able to locate and reattach the organs before the failure of the dimensional rift results in permanent separation.
The You-Got-What-You-Asked-For Award: Goes to Gina of St. Louis, Missouri, who decided to liven up her mundane existence by calling the forces of her native (in an abstract sort of sense - she's a fourth generation immigrant) Ireland to fill her house with the faerie magic her grandmother always told her about. Because the Faerie plane is proximal to our reality at this time, she managed to get exactly what she asked for. An Adept from nearby Chicago managed to arrive and restore the house to its original condition, undo the destruction to the neighborhood, and erase the woman's memory. Unfortunately, an expert is being asked to assist with restoring her dog, who seems curiously unbothered by the fact that a third of him is now a cat, and the rest appears to be turned inside-out.
The Lost Concentration Award: Goes to David of Charlotte, North Carolina, who thought of a neat way to scare his friends. We aren't quite sure what it was because he lost his focus at the last moment, and accidentally turned himself into the Scarecrow from the Wizard of Oz. Unfortunately, unlike actor Ray Bolger, David does not function well with a brain made out of straw. An expert team insists that they can fix the problem, but have suggested putting such a spectacular display of lost concentration on display in the museum as a warning to others.
The Not-What-You-Expected Award: Goes to Susanna of Houston, Texas, for first summoning the Blue Horse Rider, a guardian spirit from the Epichelian Empire, for a night of wild debauchery, and then discovering that the anatomy of a twelve foot tall male guardian spirit is completely incompatible with that of a human female. This almost caused a major diplomatic rift between this plane and Epichelia. However, hostilities were avoided, and the two spent the rest of the evening enjoyably eating takeout pizza, watching B grade movies, and arguing about House.
The Life Sciences Award: For new and interesting biology goes to Hammer of Los Angeles, who discovered that summoning the spirits of demonic hatred to possess your neighbor's large collection of jack-o-lanterns results in a wave of horror that is neither particularly scary, nor particularly dangerous, and goes squish when you step on it. This also gives rise to the night's best line, from demon of the Second Circle Kalikazakhomesh: "Look, just not the stem. Not the stem. Don't step on the stem! [squish]".
The Potluck Winner: Goes to Fiona or Phoenix, Arizona, who attempted to use a spell found in a book purchased from a shady second-hand used bookshop to summon the "sprightly dwarf-guide Balian". How she managed to confuse the name "Balian" with that of "Baphomet" is still unknown, but she was saved because the demonlord had to fit through a hole built for a two foot tall dwarf sprite. He was only halfway through when the response team arrived and shut it down, and he left several body parts remaining in this plane, which the response team claimed as souvenirs. Fiona wins the $500 pooled before last night, which will go to buying her speech therapy lessons, or, if that fails, reading lessons.
There was a bunch of stuff that went on over the standard security clearances of course, but we can't talk about that. At least we can say congratulations to this year's award winners (those that are still with us) and a big thank-you to the teams who worked overtime this week. Unfortunately, we're still Proximal to the Alpha-Six reality for the next week or so, so everybody will remain on high alert, but hopefully we'll have the annual party shortly after that.
See you all on the Christmas shift.
The Big Kahuna Award: This year's Big Kahuna went to an as yet unidentified person who managed to, at the stroke of midnight, open a Gate to the Third Circle of Hell in their Manhattan apartment complex. The Gate's primary was locked down within thirty seconds; however there were serious leakages, and several emergences in the intervening period. Three assassination teams and five strike teams were brought in from the Brooklyn Sanctuary, and the area was declared Publicly Safe within thirty minutes of the original breach. Nevertheless, teams operating in the New York area are urged to be on their guard as there could be as many as two leakers unaccounted for, both of which may be lying low in the Manhattan area. Sightings of rogue demons on station are to be reported immediately to Tactical East. Forensics promises to have a name for the winner of the prize as soon as they sort out the remains of the initial breach.
The Fertility Ritual Award: Teenage hormones resulted in this year's sexual disaster award going to Jim of Oregon, who, despite copious warnings pasted in his instruction book about not performing any delicate magic on a wild night like Halloween, attempted to use the night's latent power to enhance the length of his schlong. Experts assure us that it is much longer, but they are still unsure precisely which parallel reality it is sticking out in. The recovery team is hopeful that they will be able to locate and reattach the organs before the failure of the dimensional rift results in permanent separation.
The You-Got-What-You-Asked-For Award: Goes to Gina of St. Louis, Missouri, who decided to liven up her mundane existence by calling the forces of her native (in an abstract sort of sense - she's a fourth generation immigrant) Ireland to fill her house with the faerie magic her grandmother always told her about. Because the Faerie plane is proximal to our reality at this time, she managed to get exactly what she asked for. An Adept from nearby Chicago managed to arrive and restore the house to its original condition, undo the destruction to the neighborhood, and erase the woman's memory. Unfortunately, an expert is being asked to assist with restoring her dog, who seems curiously unbothered by the fact that a third of him is now a cat, and the rest appears to be turned inside-out.
The Lost Concentration Award: Goes to David of Charlotte, North Carolina, who thought of a neat way to scare his friends. We aren't quite sure what it was because he lost his focus at the last moment, and accidentally turned himself into the Scarecrow from the Wizard of Oz. Unfortunately, unlike actor Ray Bolger, David does not function well with a brain made out of straw. An expert team insists that they can fix the problem, but have suggested putting such a spectacular display of lost concentration on display in the museum as a warning to others.
The Not-What-You-Expected Award: Goes to Susanna of Houston, Texas, for first summoning the Blue Horse Rider, a guardian spirit from the Epichelian Empire, for a night of wild debauchery, and then discovering that the anatomy of a twelve foot tall male guardian spirit is completely incompatible with that of a human female. This almost caused a major diplomatic rift between this plane and Epichelia. However, hostilities were avoided, and the two spent the rest of the evening enjoyably eating takeout pizza, watching B grade movies, and arguing about House.
The Life Sciences Award: For new and interesting biology goes to Hammer of Los Angeles, who discovered that summoning the spirits of demonic hatred to possess your neighbor's large collection of jack-o-lanterns results in a wave of horror that is neither particularly scary, nor particularly dangerous, and goes squish when you step on it. This also gives rise to the night's best line, from demon of the Second Circle Kalikazakhomesh: "Look, just not the stem. Not the stem. Don't step on the stem! [squish]".
The Potluck Winner: Goes to Fiona or Phoenix, Arizona, who attempted to use a spell found in a book purchased from a shady second-hand used bookshop to summon the "sprightly dwarf-guide Balian". How she managed to confuse the name "Balian" with that of "Baphomet" is still unknown, but she was saved because the demonlord had to fit through a hole built for a two foot tall dwarf sprite. He was only halfway through when the response team arrived and shut it down, and he left several body parts remaining in this plane, which the response team claimed as souvenirs. Fiona wins the $500 pooled before last night, which will go to buying her speech therapy lessons, or, if that fails, reading lessons.
There was a bunch of stuff that went on over the standard security clearances of course, but we can't talk about that. At least we can say congratulations to this year's award winners (those that are still with us) and a big thank-you to the teams who worked overtime this week. Unfortunately, we're still Proximal to the Alpha-Six reality for the next week or so, so everybody will remain on high alert, but hopefully we'll have the annual party shortly after that.
See you all on the Christmas shift.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
(no subject)
Date: 2006-11-01 05:22 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2006-11-01 05:36 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2006-11-01 08:19 pm (UTC)That and the hours are horrible. And we have to do it for free...
(no subject)
Date: 2006-11-01 08:24 pm (UTC)But I'm a bit of a freak.
(no subject)
Date: 2006-11-01 05:44 pm (UTC)*dies laughing*
You may have just invented a whole new way to reassure insecure men: "Yes, dear, it's very long, but most of it is in the fifth dimension."
(no subject)
Date: 2006-11-02 02:47 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2006-11-01 06:27 pm (UTC)However, hostilities were avoided, and the two spent the rest of the evening enjoyably eating takeout pizza, watching B grade movies, and arguing about House.
Best House line ever.
You lucky bastards.
Date: 2006-11-02 12:27 pm (UTC)Wimps.
Re: You lucky bastards.
Date: 2006-11-02 02:47 pm (UTC)Besides, Americans have this deep-seated need to be showy, and you know how that ends up.