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Open Letter II
Jun. 19th, 2013 08:40 amLetter published as received:
To the members of the American Intelligence Community,
I feel I should say a few words of introduction to establish the seriousness of this complaint. Unlike most of those hippie protesters who have been sending you daily mail with half the words misspelled, I am a man of both import and business. Over the years I have single-handedly moved Lexcorp into a position of dominance in the business world, not only establishing a world-renown technological industry with the fruit of my own research, but also guiding my company through a series of deals and mergers that eventually turned us into the keystone of the American economy. Frankly, if it were not for that meddling Kryptonian alien, I would probably be President of Earth by now.
I say this not to brag, because I have no need of such, but because I want to establish the depth of experience that I am bringing to this question. Unlike you people, who have barely managed to figure out how a telephone works, I have invented entire surveillance networks, run a Fortune 500 company, dominated the American economy, and managed to retain enough public support to even be elected President of the United States, while at the same time engaging in a long string of unsavory experiments, destructive public works projects, and the occasional day when I tried to take over the world while fighting the entire Justice League using a suit of alien battle armor. Suffice it to say, I am an authority in almost every field where you are authorities in basically none.
So, I am writing to you regarding your new “PRISM” project, whatever it may be. I can understand the impetus behind it; there was a time when I also entertained notions of such minor petty projects to overthrow the rulership of the foolish masses. Of course with me it was when I was twelve. I had moved on to better projects by the age of fifteen, but not everyone can be so gifted. And of course I can understand why you hate and despise freedom, and applaud the fact that you recognize that the world would be better off in the hands of its natural leaders (which, by the way, does not include you. You will be informed of your position in the New World Order once we get around to it). But regardless of the intent and effects of your little scheme, I must inform you of a simple fact.
You are bad at Powerpoint. Stop. Just Stop. You’re giving perfectly reasonable self-respecting villains a bad name.
( Continuing... )
To the members of the American Intelligence Community,
I feel I should say a few words of introduction to establish the seriousness of this complaint. Unlike most of those hippie protesters who have been sending you daily mail with half the words misspelled, I am a man of both import and business. Over the years I have single-handedly moved Lexcorp into a position of dominance in the business world, not only establishing a world-renown technological industry with the fruit of my own research, but also guiding my company through a series of deals and mergers that eventually turned us into the keystone of the American economy. Frankly, if it were not for that meddling Kryptonian alien, I would probably be President of Earth by now.
I say this not to brag, because I have no need of such, but because I want to establish the depth of experience that I am bringing to this question. Unlike you people, who have barely managed to figure out how a telephone works, I have invented entire surveillance networks, run a Fortune 500 company, dominated the American economy, and managed to retain enough public support to even be elected President of the United States, while at the same time engaging in a long string of unsavory experiments, destructive public works projects, and the occasional day when I tried to take over the world while fighting the entire Justice League using a suit of alien battle armor. Suffice it to say, I am an authority in almost every field where you are authorities in basically none.
So, I am writing to you regarding your new “PRISM” project, whatever it may be. I can understand the impetus behind it; there was a time when I also entertained notions of such minor petty projects to overthrow the rulership of the foolish masses. Of course with me it was when I was twelve. I had moved on to better projects by the age of fifteen, but not everyone can be so gifted. And of course I can understand why you hate and despise freedom, and applaud the fact that you recognize that the world would be better off in the hands of its natural leaders (which, by the way, does not include you. You will be informed of your position in the New World Order once we get around to it). But regardless of the intent and effects of your little scheme, I must inform you of a simple fact.
You are bad at Powerpoint. Stop. Just Stop. You’re giving perfectly reasonable self-respecting villains a bad name.
( Continuing... )