Open Letter

This letter is published as received:

Kim Jong-Un, Supreme Leader of North Korea, First Secretary of the Workers' Party of Korea, etc., etc.


Look, you have problem. Major problem.

Hulk knows your problem. Hulk have many problem as well. Same as Kim Jong-Un. Always there are many tanks and many airplanes shooting at Hulk and buzzing around Hulk and causing Hulk problems. They are annoying. Like Korean dictator Kim, all Hulk want to be is left alone, but the army keeps coming. Never let Hulk get moment quiet.

So Hulk understand what you going through. You saying big words. You not want be bothered by American Army so you always up there shouting, saying that you gonna cancel the arm-is-tice thingy. Those real big words.

Hulk say big words too. Always these people come along, they be saying that they bigger than Hulk, stronger than Hulk, smarter than Hulk. Well, maybe last one true, but who cares? And Hulk shouts back, "Hulk is strongest there is!". Hulk say "Hulk getting mad!" because whole world knows, the madder Hulk gets, the stronger Hulk gets.

So we both say big words. But here problem is. See, just like Kim Jong-Un, when Hulk say words to annoying people, Hulk really loud. But then Hulk fuck them up. Hulk Smash! Hulk take puny tanks and pound them flat like pancakes before throwing them at annoying helicopters. Hulk tear apart puny robots that they send after Hulk. Hulk break little tin man Tony Stark with funny tin armor. Hulk clobber Thing. Hulk beat shit out of long haired blond thunder god with his puny hammer. Hulk show whole world: Hulk is strongest there is! Then whole world know well enough to leave Hulk alone, at least until Hulk get new author and new storyline. Then it happen all over again, but that different problem.

But Kim Jong-Un no do this. Kim Jong-Un say words really loud, then do nothing. So whole world go and say 'Kim Jong-Un, he not strong. He weak'. Then they keep annoying him. They never leave him alone. If you gonna say words, you gotta smash. No smash, nobody cares. They make jokes about you and talk like they stronger than Hulk. Nobody stronger than Hulk!

Maybe Kim Jong-Un need new publicist? Hulk need job. Also, Hulk just push over Hollywood Sign, so many people in America not like Hulk right now. Also, American military always hunting Hulk. Maybe Hulk come work for Kim Jong-Un? Hulk teach puny dictator to smash enemies. Just kidding, Hulk humor. Kim Jong-Un not puny, just not as strong as Hulk, because Hulk is the strongest there is. So maybe Kim Jong-Un want hire Hulk?

Also, Hulk look good in publicity photos. Green very popular color these days. Very important for image.

-The Incredible Hulk.