An Open Letter

The Jewish Conspiracy to Rule The World
1 Zion Lane,
Hoboken, NJ



Dear Jewish Peoples,

Over the years we have genuinely enjoyed several of your schemes to control the world. Your brilliant takeover of international finance and business (too bad about that whole Lehman Brothers thing) looked set to dominate the entire world. Your takeover of the media was inspired; your conquest of Hollywood was very finely executed, and your final assertion of control over the entire western world from the shadows of your puppet booth in Washington DC was a masterpiece. Through the years we have eagerly awaited the fruition of the next of your many schemes for world domination, and have applauded your success.

However, this latest scheme of yours has us worried. Destroying the moral foundations of the world by making teenagers want to have sex? With chewing gum? I mean, we could understand mind controlling chewing gum, or some sort of addictive chewing gum, but chewing gum that makes teenagers want to have sex? Do you really need chewing gum for that? And what good does that do in the first place?

This latest scheme appears to be a desperate scraping of the bottom of the barrel. We have no wish to antagonize you, given our many years of close association, but we must regretfully inform you that unless the quality of your work improves soon, we will be forced to cancel our sponsorship of your organization.

Sincerely,
The Nerd Conspiracy to Rule The World



(hat tip to Foreign Policy's Passport, as usual)