We are gathered here today to witness the last hours of what was once the world's highest energy particle accelerator. A long-running pioneer in the field of hadron physics, and the discoverer of the top quark, the Tevatron has been America, and the world's, premiere source of particle collision data for most of its long and illustrious life, and will continue making valuable contributions to the sum of humanity's knowledge up until the hour today when they turn it off.
We are gathered in solidarity in a reminder that this should not be a time of mourning, but rather one of celebration. Were particle physics to be so static that a single accelerator, now verging on thirty years old, could still be sufficient to probe the limits of our knowledge, then we would indeed have reason to mourn. Instead our field has moved so fast that the Tevatron is now obsolete, and we are moving on to newer, greener, higher-energy pastures at the LHC. It was an important piece of history, but it is now in the past.
So we are here merely to pause in remembrance. And then get the hell back to work, because one accelerator shutting down doesn't mean they all are, and there's still data coming in, and we need to get that processed and looked at and see if we can find the Higgs for God's sake because there's a lot of work to do and we aren't paying you to sit around and talk about the good old days. I better see some movement here as we move you out of your crappy offices here to crappy offices elsewhere, because you've got systematics to crunch and if you don't get your sorry asses moving I'm going to make sure that you're stuck on b-tagging for the rest of your life. This is Science, people, and science keeps on marching, because no matter what you think there is always, always
something new, and the future always gets here yesterday, so let's get a move on before we get left behind.
Thanks for all the memories folks. We'll see y'all at CERN.