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Transcript of the practice run for the press conference in commemoration of Thailand's twelfth coup.

Three Generals sit at a table in front of the cameras in pressed green uniforms. Respectively they are LEFT, RIGHT, and CENTER


CENTER: We would like to announce that on behalf of the Thai people, and to prevent the spread of chaos, we have taken control of Thailand. In order to prevent dissident elements from causing chaos, our brave troops have taken control of all major intersections, government buildings, television broadcast facilities, radio stations-
LEFT: No we haven't.
CENTER: We haven't?
RIGHT: Yeah, we didn't do the radio stations this time. You're thinking of number ten.
CENTER: I thought for sure those were on the list.
LEFT: Nope, the rest were right, and the train stations, the harbor, the airport, the shopping arcade, and Jack's Martini Bar.
CENTER: Jack's? Really?
LEFT: Yep.
CENTER: But Jungle Bob's is so much better...
RIGHT: Philistine.
CENTER: Okay, so no radio, harbor, airports, trains, shopping arcade, Jack's. You sure we didn't do anything about the university?
LEFT: Yeah. Well, I don't think so. I mean, I don't remember it but my memory on these things is a little hazy these days. Maybe someone decided to do that one anyway just for the hell of it.
RIGHT: Hey, remember when old Big Britches decided the hell with it and occupied that elementary school just for the hell of it?
CENTER: And all those little kids were just running around like crazy. And then we secured the swing-set and let them all have early recess!
RIGHT: That was awesome man.
LEFT: Yeah, I heard about that.
RIGHT: Weren't you there?
LEFT: Nah, I was securing that place with the giant margaritas. Remember, you came by to find us later and we were so drunk!
CENTER: Oh yeah, I remember that. And he didn't come find you, I did. You were so drunk that you were trying to do a publicity shot with your rifle upside-down. We have to buy off the journalist by getting him totally wasted.
LEFT: Yeah. That was a great time. Which one was that? Number eight?
RIGHT: No, that was nine.
LEFT: You sure? I thought that was '77.
RIGHT: It was '77. That one was nine.
LEFT: Really, man I'm getting so confused now. I've got deja vu.
RIGHT: You mean deja coup!
LEFT and RIGHT high-five behind CENTER's head.
RIGHT: Man, this is awesome. We should have one of these every year.
CENTER: Yeah. We'll talk it out later at the club. But for now we've got an announcement to make. Roll it back and we'll try this again from the top...

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August 2017

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